Author Archives: Raising the Humans

About Raising the Humans

Hello! I am a social worker and Executive Director of Youth Be Heard. Catch me on Instagram @raisingthehumans.

What to do if you see inappropriate images

ESPN Peddling Porn During March Madness and What Parents Can Do About It

March Madness. The vasectomies are scheduled BABY (with love, to Dickie V) and Cinderella stories await. As a school social worker, it’s when I hear hundreds of teens collectively cheer in a rare act of unity after every point, foul, or substitute as they watch on the cafeteria’s big screen.

It’s also the first year my 9-year-old son filled out a bracket and my lucky husband finally had someone to share the excitement with in our family. However, this past Saturday morning, while looking at ESPN.com to get the game scores, was an image presenting barely-covered nipples and enhanced breasts placed between articles. Blonde, and tan, with a wanting facial expression, are other non-surprising descriptors.

Whether you consider this porn or not, it was no accident that one of the most viewed websites in America in March – predominantly by boys and men- was placed as clickbait that would take many down the porn tunnel. One click by a young person and the algorithms adjust to feeding them similar and more sensationalized content for eternity.

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10 Helpful Ways to Respond When Your Tween Says “Everyone Else Has a Phone!”

10 Helpful Ways to Respond When Your Tween Says, “Everyone Else Has a Phone!”

It’s tempting to cave to conformity when your child tells you, “Everyone else has a phone!”

According to a Pew Research Center survey conducted in 2020, 78% of parents do not think it is ok for a child under the age of 12 to have a phone. However, 53% of children have their own smartphone by the time they are 11, and 69% by the time they are age 12 (Common Sense Media, 2019). These statistics reveal the parental conundrum. Most parents don’t think it’s appropriate in principle for kids under the age of 12 to have a phone, yet many give their own child one.

Each family situation and child are unique, so there is no one right answer. A 12-year-old in one family may be more ready for a phone than an 18-year-old in another because of their levels of maturity and self-control. And, giving a child a non-smartphone option to only call or text is not comparing apples to apples. There are many good non-smartphone options (although, not as cool) such as a pinwheel, flip phone, go phone, or gizmo watch, but that’s another conversation!

It helps when the community of families and peers surrounding our kids have also decided to wait on phone initiation. But culture is shifting to be more digitally dependent, almost assuming children own smartphones. This isn’t fair when the internet is not made with children in mind, yet it is accessible on a private hand-held device.

But, before lecturing with any list, it’s important to listen to and validate our child’s feelings. It really is hard for them. It’s reasonable for kids to feel left out if digital independence is a new rite of passage.

One tween I spoke with said when her friends have a phone they talk about things she doesn’t understand. She doesn’t get the references. When she asks what they’re talking about, they say, “That’s because you weren’t on the text thread.” She feels left out and like her friends think she is a baby.  

It makes sense that kids would feel left out if their friends and their parents were in another digital world inaccessible to them. Parents are concerned about their own phone use as well. The majority (68%) report that their phone use can get in the way of spending time with their children.

When I talked through this list with tweens, they agreed that it is better to not have a phone for now, but wished that none of their friends did either.

If you are wading through the murky waters of phone ownership for kids, this list can help explain to your child why it may be better to wait.

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View from Maid of the Mist, Niagara Falls, NY

Visiting Niagara Falls

Visiting Niagara Falls

If you’re considering visiting Niagara Falls here’s a run-down of our trip to help you plan. It’s a worthwhile adventure!

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Valentine's Day Scavenger Hunt with Clues Idea

Easy Valentine’s Day Scavenger Hunt

I’m not a big Valentine’s person, so naturally, I planned nothing for the day. But that doesn’t bode well for children who hold on to dear life for the next holiday. I don’t want to play into consumerism, but I do want my kiddos to feel loved and thought about.

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COVID-19 homeschooling, anxiety, children, parenting, are you and or your children feeling irritable and irrational?

COVID-19: Are Your Kids Feeling Irrational or Irritated?

The following post was written in collaboration with my sister- an experienced registered nurse, and currently a stay-at-home mom of four. Two are teenagers and in public school, while the younger two are homeschooled. I mean, anyone with four kids gets superhero status in my mind.

She asks: “Are your children more irrational or irritated? Are you experiencing some of these feelings as well?

Did you know your feelings about change of any kind needs to go through the grief cycle?”

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Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

Telling Your Kids the Truth About Santa: Is There a Clause for Lying?

I’ve taken enough classes on sexual health that it is engrained to always answer my kids’ questions honestly and never push them away. We use the real words for body parts so they aren’t stigmatized. When they’ve asked questions like “mom, how do you keep from getting pregnant?” I answer in a way they can understand that is developmentally appropriate (while hiding my inner anxiety).

We want them to know they can trust our answers and that they should never feel bad or awkward about asking us questions. We want them to come to us with life’s tough and awkward topics, not their friends on the bus with a smartphone or the internet.

So what does this have to do with Santa?

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sunscreen, what sunscreen is safe? What sunscreen is best?

The Real Beast of Summer: Sunscreen

I hate putting sunscreen on myself. Then I have to hate putting it on my kids next. Just add an extra 30 minutes to go anywhere outdoors, then smell funky and feel gunky all day. If you don’t put it on pre-sand and dirt, you’re in for an unwanted body scrub.

But it’s worth it.

I’ve done a lot of worrying about which sunscreen is best for my children. Probably because my skin is made for Ireland and Basal cell carcinoma cancer runs in my family. Many hours of my youth were spent on scorching tennis courts and now I’ve had 20 moles removed (TMI?). A few of them pre-cancerous.

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mental toll

Why are you tired? It’s the Questions.

Many days of parenting feel like I’ve only maintained life and made little progress. It’s hard to explain why I’m so tired at the end of some days. But I don’t think we give enough credit to the energy it takes to ANSWER ALL THE QUESTIONS. They are disparate, frequent, and complex. They come during school drop-off, while at the grocery store, and while using the bathroom. Answering them well- in a way that’s short, simple, yet nuanced enough to offer truth, can be cumbersome. Continue reading

christmas presents children spoiled

Christmas and Spoiled Children

My friend tells a story about a Christmas where she opened all her presents. She got exactly what she wanted but saw her brother’s presents and thought they were better. She told her parents that it wasn’t fair and she should have gotten more. Her dad’s response is perfect.

She was seven years old. Her father calmly told her to pack her presents up. They were going to take them to people who would appreciate them. He wasted no time. They left the same day and she received nothing that year. Continue reading

How Not to Ski with Preschoolers

Growing up, my parents took my two siblings and me skiing most years. Being the youngest, I started early– at age three. It was no small feat since we lived in Illinois. We did it on the cheap—which involved my parents picking us up from school then driving 14 hours through the night. We would save money by not staying in a hotel and emerge from our powder blue mercury station wagon ready to ski when the slopes opened at 8 am. Oh, and we’d have meals of broccoli and summer sausage in the car to avoid stopping. The ride was fragrant.

I don’t know how my parents did it. After taking my 3-year-old skiing last January, I have a new reverence for them. Our experience went like this: Continue reading